Still on the Hunt!

Am I the only one taking crazy pills in Columbus, Ohio?  Searching for a job for the umpteenth millionth time in my life has proved to be most taxing this time around.  Positions available are either obscure or so very specified that only a person with multiple degrees in many subjects could actually qualify.  These position postings read as this:

           

            WANTED:  Experienced marketing manager, specifically proficient with Habber Jabber Quork Express Programs; knowledgeable in Hoofnefer sales and reporting techniques to lay off team of seventeen sales executives and perform their duties.  Benefits are minimal, as we are not willing to arrange for your medical coverage.  The office is strategically located seventy minutes from the nearest Starbucks to ensure you won’t stroll out for a midday pick-me-up.  Please send your detailed resume and painstakingly prepared cover letter to Ben Dover-Antakeit so he can ignore your effort and just hire the owner’s idiot son. 

 

As an admitted ADD adult, I have a multitude of experience in doing just about everything, however, no specific educational training to prove it.  I’ve always centered my search on sales and marketing positions because I’m very good with people and can create instant rapport with nearly anyone from whichever echelon major decision-making is produced.  Once in a position I bury myself in relevant information until I know everything about the product or service I am offering.  Popular opinion claims that a good salesperson could sell ice cubes to Eskimos.  If I were presented with the opportunity to sell ice cubes to Eskimos, I couldn’t ethically do it.  They don’t need ice cubes…they need heaters!  Do you see the irony in my dilemma?  I’m a great salesperson because I care about the needs of my customers enough that I don’t sell them products they don’t require.  However, if I don’t sell these products to the customers, I get fired. 

I’m an extremely organized manager with marketing and sales experience that can’t seem to hold a job to save her life, mainly because I lack the ability to take orders.  There are many rules in life that I cannot (will not?) follow if they don’t make sense to me.  Such as entering my sales activity in seven different locations on my computer and then compiling a weekly report that provides the exact same information.  Redundancy does not make sense when I could be using the time to contact potential markets for sales.  Upper level management could truly benefit from knowing how to work the programs with which they insist their sales staff are familiar and use consistently to provide all the productivity information required for their multitude of corporate reports that generate duplicate information. 

Education is very important.  I gave up my last year of college after a rather sudden divorce to get a job and raise my two children.  Much of my “education” was on-the-job training.  Unfortunately, most organizations are looking for someone who has book smarts, not a candidate who has actually learned by doing.

 In 2005 I interviewed for a sales representative position to sell college text books to several departments on college campuses in Columbus, Ohio for Pearson Education and qualified for three interviews.  I’d previously spent two and a half years selling contract furniture to many of the college campuses in Columbus so I was up to my ears in contacts and experience working with, not just professors, but department chairs, fiscal officers and central purchasing.  On my last interview I sat before a panel of four interviewees.  I confidently took a seat.  I’d made it this far, surely I will receive an offer.  Before my backside even hit the chair one of them asked if I had a four year college degree.  I said “no” and I was promptly dismissed.  I respectfully asked if a piece of paper meant more to them than all the contacts, experience and knowledge I had gained in my previous years of experience.  I was told in one word “Yes”. 

I wish to extricate myself from the sales field and pursue another form of income generation.  Alas, all my marketing, networking and general knowledge of vertical markets in the city cannot compare with having the document that says I spent four years partying and drinking beer, barely eking out a diploma rather than actually working for a living and learning about life in general, first hand.  As a single mother who has done everything to support her children, herself and a parade of quirky pets, as well as a mother who came to visit three years ago and hasn’t left, I award myself a BA from the School of Hard Knocks, with a minor in Conflict Resolution.  I am now working on my Masters from the School of Life, and getting straight A’s! 

~ by melissakenis on April 15, 2009.